Recently I received an invitation that has touched me to the very core of my being. It was an invitation to join a small circle of soul friends. I received this invite in a face-to-face sit down with a colleague who had become aware of the Celtic tradition of the anam cara or soul friend.
Immediately, I was hooked. In a world where ordained ministry tends to create Lone Rangers, which by the way was one of my fav shows as a child, I was moved by my colleague's invitation. It struck a chord with me. Over my years in ordained ministry, while I have had many friends, I have also experienced a certain loneliness. I have lived with the sense that there was always a gap in their understanding of me; that there were some things about the life of a female clergy person that could not be understood by those outside the circle, no matter how hard they tried. When I say outside the circle, I am not speaking of non-clergy friends. Some of my clergy "friends" have little understanding of who I am and my interactions with them have led me to feel as if I was a fish out of water.
On the day I received the invitation to become a soul friend, it was an aha moment. As I listened to my colleague, I suddenly realized that my struggles have been around the co-issues of trust and security. In these two things, built on the foundation of unconditional love, of grace, is found the solution to a certain kind of loneliness that happens when colleagues are unable to accept us as we are. As we engaged in holy conversation, naming the colleagues we would entrust with anything, the best and the worst, our "successes" and our "failures," persons who wouldn't use either against us, it was a moment of great clarity. These colleagues actually exist and have been in my circle of friends, in some form or fashion, over the years. This treasure has always been available to me. With one exception, instead of appreciating this and seeking to deepen these relationships, I have spent far too many years leaning toward professional loneliness.
On the day I received the invitation to become a soul friend, the one giving the invitation didn't know it, but he gave me an incredible gift. The Spirit of God used him to open my eyes to see that there are colleagues with whom I can truly be myself, colleagues with whom I can truly open up and share when things in the church are working and when they are not. Soul friends. Anam cara.
As 2010 begins, this circle of friends will begin a new phase of our journey together. I pray that it will lead us to be defined in new ways and to be more accepting of who we are and who we can become as together we experience God's grace.
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